The Girl Next Door | IT SCARES me! When I am asleep and when I am wide awake. When I feel nothing and everything. The thought of dying scares me. I scares me that someday I will go vaporizing up to the sky and be one of those balls of hydrogen and helium. Immortal is for more than a lifetime but, only until everyone must remember. “Who am I?” I lie there stone-cold, my mind full of questions and answers unknown then I wake up next to my phone buzzing, announcing the official beginning of a new day.
Like always, I fill my veins with caffeine, that’s how I know I am fully awake and pack up. The next moment I find myself in the corridor, right next to the school canteen, full of people I can recognize but have never talked to. I make my way through the door to middle row first bench. My usual place, which got me names like “nerd” “boring”. And still, I give reasons for people to believe that. Too often, misunderstood! Now I am done with explaining myself. I sit there on my bench, my legs shiver. I can’t help it. It’s just something my body automatically does to occupy my impatience.
Like something is pulling me down, I let. I am not mean to be here! Just try to fit in but isn’t worth it.
my third-period science class that we all are in the end compound of gaseous elements. Like the star, the planets, the universe. I got to the washroom, look myself into the mirror and ask the same question, “what am I?” staring at a gaseous compound, unsure. I see this anxious person standing right through. My eyes are red, my ears feel warm and, my hands sweating. I slap my face with water. Stay there, looking right through my wet face and the water dripping down.
I don’t have anything to say, not a single word enough to convince myself this time. Rush to lock myself up and start screaming with all that I have left. I can feel my temperature rising, tears scrolling through and, I drop down to the floor. I stay still for a while then hear the crowd dragging their feet, the noise in the corridor, the hustle everyone is going through. Like how it is a race, and letting people down by making them feel vulnerable is a way of winning. I hear the sink dripping slowly. Next I feel my energy dropping I don’t know why but, I need help! Neither will I ever seek, or will I want it. I need help!
I open my eyes, lying on a rough mattress. Still confused, I try pulling myself up. I feel hollow like I lost all my energy. Trying to process things and get myself together, but I am unable. I have no idea how I even got here, my eyes half-opened. I find myself wrapped around in arms and tears rolling down my shoulders until I pass out again.
लेखक : Santosh Lamichhane
मिती : November, 2018
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लेखक : Laxmi Prasad Devkota
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लेखक : Santosh Lamichhane
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